Diarsipkan di bawah: Tidak terkategori
The Most Embarrassing Moments Ever!
Let’s face it – we’ve all had our share of embarrassing moments. Just be thankful that none of them were as humiliating (and hilarious!) as these:
“A mother was taking a shower when her2 year old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so she ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well that she had copies made and included one with each of their Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting that she take a closer look. Puzzled, the mother stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to her son, she had captured her reflection in the mirror wearing nothing but a camera!”
“A woman and her sister were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As they were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if they needed any help. The woman replied, “No, I’m just looking at your nuts.” The sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and she turned beet red and walked away.”
“A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear, ‘PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE.” That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word ‘Tampax’ for ‘THUMBTACKS.’ In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom: ‘DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?’
An introvert went to bar and spots a pretty looking woman sitting on the stool. He mustered all his courage for long time, then timidly approached and asked her, “Ma’ am, would be OK if sit here and talk with you?” She was alert, suspecting this man, and responds by yelling, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!” Customers in the bar started staring at them. The embarrassed guy quickly returns to his table dejected and ashamed. The young woman waits a little and then goes to the guy to apologize. With a smile on her face she says, “I am sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I am a college student in psychiatry and I am putting together a thesis as to how people react to embarrassing moments.” The cunning guy now yells loudly, “What do you mean by $500?”
Babies have big appetites
Mum comes home with the new born baby from hospital. As she breast feeds the little baby, her 5 year old son Roger joins her and looks at the baby and than at her with big wide eyes.
Mum smiles at his curiosity. Hesitantly little Roger asks: “Does the baby always have to eat the whole lump?”
Two blind pilots both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.
Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.
The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting in the window seats realize they’re headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport. As it begins to look as though the plane will plough in to the water, panicked screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into t heir magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.
In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,”ya know, Bob, one of these days, they’re gonna scream too late and we’re all gonna die.”
The Wild Old Man
An old man shopping at a department store for a gift for his wife was intent on watching a teenage girl who was going through the sale racks. The teenage girl had a Mohawk dyed in various colors: pink, purple, green, and yellow. The old man kept staring at her.
Irritated by his staring the teenage girl finally broke down and sneered, “What’s the matter, old dude? I bet you haven’t tried anything wild in your whole life, have you?”
The old man did not miss a beat when he replied, “I was drunk one time and was with a Macaw. I was just curious if you were related!”
Just follow the Tracks
3 men are stranded in the middle of the Canadian Forest and they don’t know where they are at. They decide that they have to find some food. So the first man leaves and tells the other 2 that he is going to get some food.
Several Hours later, he comes back with a deer over his shoulder. The other 2 are amazed and ask him how he got a deer with no weopans. He replies, ” I find tracks, i follow tracks, i get deer”. They both are slightly confused but let it go.
1 week later, they have eaten the deer, so they need to get more food. The second guy leaves and says that he is going to get food. He comes back a couple hours later with a elk over his shoulder. The other 2 ask how he got the elk. He simply replies, “I find tracks, i follow tracks, i get Elk”.
5 days later, they have eaten the elk, so they need more food. The third guy, feeling very cocky, thinks to himslef, ” This is going to be a piece of cake. The other guys got the other animals so easy. I’m going to get an animal better than their’s put together!”. So he leaves to get some food. They wait a couple hours… he doesn’t come back. They wait another couple hours, he is still missing.
Finally, after 9 hours of waiting, they see him coming back. His clothes are torn rags, he is covered in dirt with scrapes and bruises all over his body. He is bleeding from different gashes in his arms and legs along with one on the side of head. They ask, ” What happened!”. He looks at them, wide-eyed and confused, and replies, ” I find tracks, I follow tracks, i get hit my train”.
The religious Horse
Once a man bought a horse. You had to say ?hallelujah? to make it go and ?amen? to make it stop.
The man was riding his horse one day but then he realized he was riding to an edge of a cliff.
He was so scared he forgot how to make the horse stop. He thought this was the end of his life and he started praying, ending the prayer by saying ?amen?.
The horse suddenly stopped at the edge of the cliff. ‘hallelujah’ said the man with a sigh of relief and off went the horse?
Cinderella Would Be Shocked
Sure, there are some pretty stupid criminals out there. Yet this excerpt from a Washington Post article proves that not all criminals are dumb – in fact, some are so clever that the Post labeled this article, “The Best Comeback Line Ever”
In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday.
Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.
The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop. “You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn’t,” he stated in a phone interview.
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, Picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his need. “I guess I was just really into it, you know?” he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him. “It was an unusual situation, that’s for sure,” said Officer Taylor. “I walked up to (Lawrence) and he’s… just working away at this pumpkin.”
Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. “I just went up and said, ‘Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?’ He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in the face and said, ‘A pumpkin? Darn…is it midnight already?”
Diarsipkan di bawah: Tidak terkategori
You had my heart
We’ll never be worlds Apart
They be in magazines
You’ll still be my star
Baby cause in the dark
you can’t see shiny cars
That’s when you need me there
With you i’ll always Share
Because
[chorus:]
When the sun Shine
We shine Together
Told you i’ll be here Forever
Said I’ll always be your friend
So come on out and stick it till the end
Now that it’s raining more then ever
Know that we’ll still have eachother
You can stand under my Umbrella
You can stand under my Umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Cause everything
Will never come in between
Your apart of my Entity
Here for infinity
When the war has delt it’s part
when the world has delt it’s card
If the hand is hard
Together we’ll messure up
Because
[chorus:]
When the sun Shine
We shine Together
Told you i’ll be here Forever
Said I’ll always be your friend
So come on out and stick it till the end
Now that it’s raining more then ever
Know that we’ll still have eachother
You can stand under my Umbrella
You can stand under my Umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
[bridge:]
You can run into my arms
it’s okay don’t be alarmed
(Come into me)
(there’s no distance in between our love)
Go on and let the Rain pour
I’ll be out here needing more
Because
[chorus:]
When the sun Shine
We shine Together
Told you i’ll be here Forever
Said I’ll always be your friend
So come on out and stick it till the end
Now that it’s raining more then ever
Know that we’ll still have eachother
You can stand under my Umbrella
You can stand under my Umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
It’s raining
Oh baby it’s raining
Baby Come Into me
Come into me
It’s raining
Oh baby it’s raining
You can always come into me
Diarsipkan di bawah: Tidak terkategori
How To Learn English!
Here are some tips which may help you to master the English Language!
Speak without Fear
The biggest problem most people face in learning a new language is their own fear. They worry that they won’t say things correctly or that they will look stupid so they don’t talk at all. Don’t do this. The fastest way to learn anything is to do it – again and again until you get it right. Like anything, learning English requires practice. Don’t let a little fear stop you from getting what you want.
Use all of your Resources
Even if you study English at a language school it doesn’t mean you can’t learn outside of class. Using as many different sources, methods and tools as possible, will allow you to learn faster. There are many different ways you can improve your English, so don’t limit yourself to only one or two. The internet is a fantastic resource for virtually anything, but for the language learner it’s perfect.
Surround Yourself with English
The absolute best way to learn English is to surround yourself with it. Take notes in English, put English books around your room, listen to English language radio broadcasts, watch English news, movies and television. Speak English with your friends whenever you can. The more English material that you have around you, the faster you will learn and the more likely it is that you will begin “thinking in English.” .
Listen to Native Speakers as Much as Possible
There are some good English teachers that have had to learn English as a second language before they could teach it. However, there are several reasons why many of the best schools prefer to hire native English speakers. One of the reasons is that native speakers have a natural flow to their speech that students of English should try to imitate. The closer ESL / EFL students can get to this rhythm or flow, the more convincing and comfortable they will become.
Watch English Films and Television
This is not only a fun way to learn but it is also very effective. By watching English films (especially those with English subtitles) you can expand your vocabulary and hear the flow of speech from the actors. If you listen to the news you can also hear different accents.
Listen to English Music
Music can be a very effective method of learning English. In fact, it is often used as a way of improving comprehension. The best way to learn though, is to get the lyrics (words) to the songs you are listening to and try to read them as the artist sings. There are several good internet sites where one can find the words for most songs. This way you can practice your listening and reading at the same time. And if you like to sing, fine.
Study As Often As Possible!
Only by studying things like grammar and vocabulary and doing exercises, can you really improve your knowledge of any language.
Do Exercises and Take Tests
Many people think that exercises and tests aren’t much fun. However, by completing exercises and taking tests you can really improve your English. One of the best reasons for doing lots of exercises and tests is that they give you a benchmark to compare your future results with. Often, it is by comparing your score on a test you took yesterday with one you took a month or six months ago that you realize just how much you have learned. If you never test yourself, you will never know how much you are progressing. Start now by doing some of the many exercises and tests on this site, and return in a few days to see what you’ve learned. Keep doing this and you really will make some progress with English.
Record Yourself
Nobody likes to hear their own voice on tape but like tests, it is good to compare your tapes from time to time. You may be so impressed with the progress you are making that you may not mind the sound of your voice as much.
Listen to English
By this, we mean, speak on the phone or listen to radio broadcasts, audiobooks or CDs in English. This is different than watching the television or films because you can’t see the person that is speaking to you. Many learners of English say that speaking on the phone is one of the most difficult things that they do and the only way to improve is to practice.
Finally
Have fun!
